Today is the first day of school for my 3 older children.
This is the first year that I'll have more children in school than I do at home. It's a strange feeling.
I don't like it.
I'm supposed to love it. Relish it. Feel the freedom of less after being so consumed with more. I'm supposed to feel relieved.
Instead, I'm feeling....pointless.
It's a familiar feeling. I had to dig back into myself this morning to figure out when I've felt this feeling before, and I remembered: it's the same feeling I had right after returning from a mission- Wondering what in the world I was supposed to do with myself after losing myself. Why would I want to go backwards? That's how I feel right now. Today.
I'm a closet homeschooler. Or, rather, I'm a homeschooler at heart. I read homeschooling books. I stalk homeschoolers' blogs. I think about it all the time. If you had asked me two years ago if I would ever homeschool, I would've given you a smile and a look that said "Are You Kidding?!" Of course, at the time, I had a very different view of homeschooling. All that changed when a long-distance friend of mine "accidentally" called me and we ended up talking all about her homeschooling experience. She teaches her children based on A Thomas Jefferson Education. It's a set of principles rather than a curriculum. What I heard intrigued me. I immediately ordered the introductory books, dove in, and was inspired. The outlined principles at last gave structure and form to thoughts and feelings I've had about teaching my children ever since Luke was very small. All of a sudden, homeschooling seemed possible. It seemed enjoyable (!!) It seemed to be just what I've always wanted for my children, and for our family. I just hadn't ever imagined it in quite this way.
When I read these books, the twins were newborn, I was nursing day and night, caring for 5 under 7 while Creighton traveled non-stop. I could not move forward with homeschooling plans. But I could think, and I could read some. And I could plan. So that's what I did. And I implemented where I could.
...Insert all the chaos of selling a home, moving cross-country and settling in...
Last fall, with grand (unrealistic) aspirations, as usual, I intended to embark on our homeschooling adventure. But when the moment of decision came, I knew it wasn't the right time. I was actually disappointed (!!), but gradually came to see the wisdom of it. I didn't realize how exhausted my body was after the physical and emotional intensity of the previous two years. I had to give it time to rest and catch up to my mind; I was literally getting ahead of myself (I'm really really good at that.) Not to mention I had two little Godzillas and a 4 year old middle child who needed me desperately. It was better for Luke and Abby to be in school.
But I implemented some more, where I could. And I thought. And I planned.
I was gearing up for summer...
(To be continued, I hope)
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5 comments:
Tricia,
can I just sit with you for a week and soak up all this knowledge? Really! Both of my sisters home-school (one avidly, and the other mostly on, and off). I told myself that I'd get through this semester of school (MY school, that is) and if Cole is still struggling in Dec., to pull him out and see if we can do something better at home. There's so much out there now for home schoolers. But like you said, there's a time and a place. How'd little Miri do on her first day, btw? Dayne's teacher emailed me (back) and told me Dayne asked to go home after lunch. And then when she got home today she just wanted to play non-stop. Couldn't believe her day had to end at 8pm! Where'd the day go? Oh..., poor little girl. She'll never have that care-free life, again.
You go Trish! I can't wait to see how your homeschooling adventure turns out. I've heard great things about those Jefferson books although I've never read them myself. I'll be super interested to see how you implement them. Of course it will make me cringe to remember what a lame homeschooler I was...but I'll love it anyway!
I never thought I would support home schooling because it basically eliminates the need for so many teachers, but I do agree that the education system is broken in a lot of areas. A parent like you would probably be a very successful home-schooler and still make sure that your kids have the socializing and extra curricular activities that homeschooling cannot provide. And even if you decide not to home school, the most successful students always do better with a lot of parent involvement (which I'm sure you already do,) which is, in its own way, a kind of home schooling that supports the public school system. They both have their benefits. Good luck!
Love the title of your post! =) Homeschooling is something that has never appealed to me personally, but I know it works well for lots of families. I hope you're eventually able to make it work because I can tell how much you love it already!
I can't wait to hear the rest of your story - it took me two years of thinking about it before I decided to give it a shot. I'm loving it, but there are times when I panic :-). You are a lot wiser than I am so I'm sure your children will thrive in whatever you are guided to do.
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