In all Seriousness...

 

Does this not look dee-licious?!:

 

It was.  Yes sirree.  The next day, I tried it with roasted beets and yogurt cheese.  Ever hear of such a thing?  Yogurt cheeeeese.  Pretty yummy. 


p.s.  That's a mushroom.  Who needs beef when you can have a bello? That's what I say.  And sometimes that's not what I say....

Sometimes I say:  "Bring on the Burger!  And can I get a load of cheese fries with that?!"

  =)

More on Motherhood

I like the comments made about desire and nature.  I've been thinking...

You make a good point, Sarah, about women who struggle to have the desire to be mothers.  I suppose it comes down to whether or not you believe it is what's right for you.  That kind of faith can change desire, regardless of "feelings," or at least lead us to pray for the desire we wish we had.  Those prayers are answered- this I know.




Don't be shocked, but I had to do something like that when it came to marriage.  I knew I would get married someday, and I knew it was ultimately what was right for me and what I wanted, but I lacked the desire to be married sooner than later.  Add to that the fear of making such a commitment, and  I had a bit of a problem!  I can't even get started on my struggles there or I'll be here all day, but a struggle it was.  And through lots and lots of prayer and a hefty load of faith, hope and charity, I overcame! 

That struggle changed me- in a good way.  And led me to more happiness than I could ever imagine.  But I had to make a choice.






I am naturally a very obedient person.  I always have been.  I have never had a problem following rules and directions.  I also naturally have a fair amount of intelligence.  Combine these two natural qualities of mine and it makes for a pretty good student.  I always did well in school.  It was just who I am, naturally.  I never had to make a choice about it. I worked hard, but I never had to push myself very hard.   I don't want to diminish what I did accomplish- I loved studying and learning and did all that was required of me.  But when I graduated from college, I had the nagging feeling that through all of it, I had never realized my potential academically or educationally.  As much as I enjoyed school, there was no sense of triumph for me.  No marked achievement inside or out (not yet, anyway).  And I certainly can't say I changed anyone else for the better.  I was simply an older version of who I am naturally.

I believe this is your point, Sally.  And an interesting one in relation to motherhood. 





In contrast, my mission experience was not quite so natural.  I never wanted to serve a mission growing up,  but when I made the choice to serve, I was on fire.  Desire was not a problem.  However, despite my strong desire, being a missionary was initially uncomfortable for me.  The MTC made me claustrophobic.  Tracting put my stomach in knots.  My first two months in the field, I did not look forward to the start of each new day.  It was HARD.  I wanted to love it, but it was out of my comfort zone.  It came to the point where I had to make a choice.  I knew I was in the right place, doing the right thing-  but something had to change inside.  I had to choose to stop focusing on what was hard and uncomfortable and awkward- I had to choose to reel my mind back into my heart and turn them both over completely.  I had to choose to stop overrating all my needs and feelings.  I had to choose to get out of my own way and give myself up.


 

And I did.  I dove in and I never looked back.  I still remember the day I realized a change had come inside me.  We were driving home from an appointment- I was consumed with thoughts of the people we were serving and it hit me how perfectly joyful I felt.  All of a sudden 18 months was not long enough.  There were plenty of hard days to come, but I was devoted heart, mind and soul.  My mission changed me.  I hope it changed others.  I found out who I am and what I am capable of through the love of God.  But I had to lose myself in order to find myself.

It's the same with motherhood.  For me.

The "Natural" Mother in Me

I was talking to a good friend the other day and asked about a mutual friend of ours who has three small children.  "Oh, she's really struggling," my friend said, "It's really hard for her.  She feels like such a bad mother."  I immediately empathized with our friend's struggles and feelings, remembering especially how hard it was for me when my oldest were so small.  The long, mind-numbing days meeting endless needs.  The exhaustion, the tears (mine and theirs), the general heaviness of being a mother of small children.  It was not easy.  It IS not easy.

My friend looked at me and said: "But you're a natural Mother.  She isn't.  Motherhood just isn't her thing." (I'm paraphrasing here.)

Wow.  I'm glad I make it look easy.  I guess.  I can say today that I absolutely love my job, but it did not all come naturally.  In fact, I think the only instinct I can claim is the love I have for my children.  That came as soon as they were born.  But the rest?  Hmm...

I always wanted to be a mother, and my friend knows this, but I think she has confused desire with ability.  It wasn't just "there" for me.  Being a Mother-- learning how to mother my children in the fullest sense has been the most soul-stretching, heart-expanding experience of my life.   And I'm still learning.  Giving up everything else to be at home and be fully present and passionate about what I do has been my mission.  It has required every last bit of me, and then some.  At times it has been uncomfortable, inconvenient and overwhelming-, frustrating, depressing and insane.  Plenty of blood, sweat and tears, and oh so many prayers.  But there has been enough joy and happiness along the way to fuel me on.  Enough hope to keep the vision and vision to keep the hope. And most of all, enough love.

I cannot claim ability.  I cannot claim nature.  I can only claim desire-  to make motherhood my passion.

I carried this poem around with me as a missionary and it's words still ring through me as a mother-

The Will To Win

Author: Berton Braley

If you want a thing bad enough
To go out and fight for it,
Work day and night for it,
Give up your time and your peace and your sleep for it

If only desire of it
Makes you quite mad enough
Never to tire of it,
Makes you hold all other things tawdry
and cheap for it

If life seems all empty and useless without it
And all that you scheme and you dream is about it,

If gladly you'll sweat for it,
Fret for it, Plan for it,
Lose all your terror of God or man for it,

If you'll simply go after that thing that you want.
With all your capacity,
Strength and sagacity,
Faith, hope and confidence, stern pertinacity,

If neither cold poverty, famished and gaunt,
Nor sickness nor pain
Of body or brain
Can turn you away from the thing that you want,

If dogged and grim you besiege and beset it,
You'll get it!

A Glimpse of Luke's Mind

We were having a bedtime chat in the dark the other night and I asked Luke how he was liking school:


Luke:  I like it 75%, and I don't like it 25%.

Me: Yah?...

Luke: Kind of like water and air.  Water is 75% of the earth's surface and land is 25%.

Me: (laughing)  Uh-huh...

Luke: The water doesn't really need the land, but the land really needs the water.

Me: (still chuckling) I think you're right, Luke.

[Pause]

Luke:  Mom, when the Liberty Bell fell and cracked, it made the sound of a B-Flat.


!!

Under the Apple Tree

Will someone please come over and help me make applesauce?!




I've got about 30 pounds sitting here.

 

My little worker bees aren't here anymore during the day.





I'm having a hard time getting motivated to do it all by myself.

 

Woe is me.  



Sure was fun picking tho'!

And  climbing...


Good times.

We drove nearly a hundred miles to this orchard in Charlottesville. 

For the apple donuts.

Did you catch that??    Apple Donuts.

Ohhhh.....myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Heavenly.

We didn't even make it out of the parking lot til' we'd snarfed a dozen.