Most of the time, life changes on it's own, with minimal help from me- I'm pretty used to that kind of change. But changing myself---- ouch.
I've been stuck in motherhood mud and spinning my wheels like crazy the past couple of months. The 8 year old tires I've been using aren't doing the trick anymore. I'm trying to figure out what kind of tires I need and where to find them now, because God is not handing them over. He's trying to teach me a few things-- waiting for me to connect a few dots on my own this time.
But I'm ready. So, so ready. Because what was once insignificant, is now significant. It's crucial if I'm going to make anything out of my present circumstances and turn them into what I envision for my family. I'm the one--I'm the thing-- that has to change here.
And I know I'm being vague, but you can just fill in the blanks with whatever it is that you have always wished you could change about yourself, or wished you could become, but have pushed the "snooze" on for years and years because it's just never been crucial enough.
So I've been busy... making all kinds of transformations you can't see. It all starts in your noggin, right? And mine's working overtime, I'll tell you that. The other day I escaped to the library and locked myself in the Quiet Room, just so I could think about it all. And read. And think some more.
So much to think about.
Too bad that darn fluorescent light kept buzzing and the room had a funky smell like......saliva? I had to leave the Quiet Room and find a Quiet Corner instead.
But my thoughts right now are actually Phase II of my changes. Phase I began about a year ago. My extended stay on the sofa nursing babies all day and night had come to an end, and I knew it was time to change. Time to step things up. I was hungry for it. I did a lot of thinking then, too- about health. I have all kinds of goals as a Mother and as a Person, and I decided in Phase I that the very first thing I have to do in order to lay the foundation for my dreams is to take charge of my body again after so much baby-making. Figure out how to be the healthiest I can possibly be in this life. Not because I am sick, but because I need Maximum Off The Charts Energy to be the person I want to be and do the things I want to do.
So I started with my health. That was Phase I. I've spent the last 8 months on a cleansing spree with my diet after years in survival mode dining out of Costco's freezers. What a journey it's been. I'm in love with living food again. I can't walk into a produce store without my mouth watering. Slowly, but surely, I'm getting my insides back where they need to be. This is what I wanted. This is what I need. I'll probably keep dribbling about it in future posts. I can't help it. Be warned.
But alas, it is now time for Phase II, folks.
(deep breath)
And this one is HUGE for me.
No kidding.
The Mt Everest of reforms.
(exhale)
So stay tuned.~
I'm busy changing my life.
7 comments:
Very inspiring post, Trish! And here's to you finding those new tires! =)
Don't just leave me hangin' like that! Good luck with your transformations, I've been thinking a lot about things I need to change too.
I've been thinking a lot lately on things I need to reform in my life. Thanks for the inspiring post.
I've been on the health craze for about 4 years now and after so long I need a kick in the pants to keep me on the straight and narrow sometimes! So I will welcome your dribbling on food.
I agree, it's time for a change! Not you...me. I feel like every few months I look back and say, "What have I been doing with my time?" And then plan all the things that I need to change. Some things stick and some things don't. I think it's a constant cycle that I live. I've lived so long in survival mode that I don't know what to do without it. The best thing for me lately is to get up and shower as soon as I get out of bed. It makes me feel like I can do more that day. Silly, right? But it totally works for me.
Good luck to you, figuring out how to transform and produce the life you want for yourself and your family.
Suddenly, I really miss you and wish we could talk more...
LOVED this post!
After Theo I needed a change too so I did two things: ate 3-5 servings of fresh fruit/veggies a day (which is really hard to do) and I went back to school. While demanding, it's been the best decision I/we ever made.
Not sure if you heard, but Taylor accepted a tenure-track position at Kalamazoo College (in Kalamazoo, MI). So moving to the mid-west (with the birth of baby Max due at any moment) and wrapping up of my/Taylor school means Phase 2 will begin in the next 6-9 for us.
It's scary but exciting
Trish!! We need to talk! I LOVE talking about food. I have a book right now that'd you might be interested in. Yuck, I know...don't worry, I'm not pushing anything extra on you (there's SO MUCH info. out there, right??).., but I've been feeling the same way for a while now and would love to chat about it. WHenever you have time??
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