The Virtue of a Mother

Earlier this year, a friend of mine wrote a post here about virtue that I found intriguing. She discussed virtue in the way it was defined by Plato and Aristotle:

They speak of virtue as that which makes a thing to be what it is, and to do its work well. They say virtue is a habit or quality that allows the bearer to succeed at his, her, or its purpose. So, for example, the virtue of a knife is sharpness and among the virtues of a racehorse is speed.

I've been trying to help the kids understand virtue in this sense - that they have qualities that will help them succeed at their purpose.

This is such a beautiful idea, that I couldn't help but explore it further.

If every thing and every ONE has inherent virtues which allow them to succeed in the purpose of their creation, then

What is the virtue of a woman?

And more specifically,

What is the virtue of a mother?



It helps to understand the purpose of a mother.

Modern dictionaries define mothers almost entirely in physical terms of giving birth or as a status of authority or control, with slight mention of "maternal affection" and "protective care."

But there is more.

The Proclamation on the Family adds the following to a mother's purpose:

Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children

The 1828 edition of Webster's American Dictionary of the English Language defines "nurture," as follows:

1. That which nourishes; food; diet.

2. That which promotes growth; education; instruction. Ephesians 6.

Therefore, a mother's primary purpose is to nourish physically and to promote growth, education and instruction of her children. And the question follows: what are the qualities of a mother which allow her to succeed in her purpose? What are virtues of a mother?

With these thoughts on my mind over many months, I began to notice that certain virtues written about in scripture have been assigned feminine gender.

But let PATIENCE have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. [James 1:4]

Happy is the man that findeth WISDOM, and the man that getteth understanding…She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her. [Proverbs 3:13-15]

And CHARITY suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. [Moroni 7:45]

Patience. Wisdom. Charity.

These are all feminine virtues. I don't believe its coincidence. These are precisely the virtues that women and mothers need in order to succeed in their purpose. Heaven knows these are the very qualities I have longed for as a mother. So often praying for PATIENCE, and WISDOM, and CHARITY in all of its forms from one moment to the next. These are our virtues. The inherent virtues of a woman and a mother, which make her who she is intended to be. They are the qualities of a nurturer.

I am beginning to understand that patience, wisdom and charity in their truest forms are a part of our intrinsic make-up; an intentional part of our design to help us succeed in our purpose as mothers. In a sense, we need only to awaken them in order to become who we are really designed to be.

“God planted within women something divine.” That something is the gift and the gifts of motherhood. Elder Matthew Cowley taught that “men have to have something given to them [in mortality] to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. [They] are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.”

President Gordon B. Hinckley

In The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis describes these inherent virtues as the "garden of our nature" that God has planted within us. He says:

[God] set our will to dress them...To liberate that splendour, to let it become fully what it is trying to be.

But HOW? Isn't this the grand question? How do I "liberate" those virtues planted in me which are so essential to truly fulfilling my role as a mother, as a woman, as a nurturer? It recently struck me that the answer lies in choosing to being virtuous.




Usually when I think of the word "virtuous," I think of it in terms of purity and chastity or morality, but I've never thought of it in conjunction with the definition of virtue given by ancient philosophers. In that sense, to be virtuous would mean to perform according to one's design or purpose in a manner that allows ones virtues to succeed in fulfilling its purpose.

The 1828 edition of Webster's American Dictionary defines virtuous as:

4. Efficacious by inherent qualities; as virtuous herbs; virtuous drugs.

5. Having great or powerful properties; as virtuous steel; a virtuous staff; a virtuous ring.

But those inherent qualities and properties cannot be powerful unless the thing is used according to its design. My friend wrote:

If I don't teach my children to see that things have qualities that help them serve their purpose in their best way, they will start to feel entitled to using their environment in any way that suits them, without regard to "petty" rules and laws.

In the same way, if we as women and mothers don't see that we have inherent qualities, or virtues that help us serve our purpose, we might also start to feel entitled to use ourselves, our time, our talents, our minds and hearts in any way that suits us, without regard to the designs of our nature that God planted within us.

For instance: The virtue of a knife is its sharpness. I can use a knife as a garden shovel, but that is not what it was designed for. The knife would not be virtuous. It would not have great and powerful properties because it is not being used in the way it was intended in order to bring out its virtues.

Similarly, the virtues of a mother, or nurturer are patience and wisdom and love. But if I, as a mother, choose to devote my time or talents or even my thoughts to become something other than I was intended to be, I will likely not fully develop those virtues I need to perform "efficaciously" in my role as a mother. I may never know the the power of those virtues already within me, which come from being virtuous.

The world relentlessly preaches that much of a mother's fulfillment comes from outside of motherhood- from pursuing her own interests and goals and passions independent of her family. I have found that these good things allow me to develop skills or qualities in other areas, and reach a level of mental satisfaction and personal reward, but they don't usually increase my patience or wisdom or love at home. It is in mothering that a woman's finest virtues are revealed and her greatest fulfillment is found.

Once we take our eyes away from ourselves, from our interests, from our own rights, privileges, ambitions—then [our eyes] will become clear to see Jesus around us.
[Mother Teresa]




Being virtuous in this sense implies a belief in God and His will for us. It is trusting that as we seek first to nurture others, we will, in turn, be nurtured by Him. In fact, in my limited experience, it seems that this brand of selflessness is its own reward. We are left truly filled- wanting nothing for ourselves and needing no justification or validation in the end. How would that be! C.S. Lewis takes this idea to the utmost in the following excerpt:

There are three kinds of people in the world. The first class is of those who live simply for their own sake and pleasure, regarding Man and Nature as so much raw material to be cut up into whatever shape may serve them. In the second class are those who acknowledge some other claim upon them- the will of God, the categorical imperative, or the good of society – and honestly try to pursue their own interests no further than this claim will allow. They try to surrender to the higher claim as much as it demands, like men paying a tax, but hope, like other taxpayers, that what is left over will be enough for them to live on… But the third class is of those who can say with St. Paul that for them ‘to live is Christ’. These people have got rid of the tiresome business of adjusting the rival claims of Self and God by the simple expedient of rejecting the claims of the Self altogether. The old egoistic will has been turned round, reconditioned, and made into a new thing. The will of Christ no longer limits theirs; it is theirs. All their time, in belonging to Him, belongs also to them, for they are His… [C.S. Lewis, Three kinds of Men]

I imagine the third class of people would easily fall under the category of "virtuous." I am not there yet by any means....I'm sure I'll be working on this until the end of my days. But I love the idea of liberating the splendour of the virtues within me to become fully what [nature] is trying to be- and finding the joy and fulfillment that already surrounds me. No longer do patience, wisdom and charity feel so unattainable. They come- layer upon layer as I seek to be truly virtuous in the present moment with my time, my talents, my energy, and even my thoughts.

In light of my new understanding of virtue, the following verse takes on even greater significance:

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies. Proverbs 31:10

Yes, indeed.