Come Out Come Out Wherever You Are!

My parents are in town for the week, so we went on a little field trip today to Monticello, the estate of Thomas Jefferson. The setting is beautiful, almost surreal, perched on a hilltop with a majestic view. And his home is a masterpiece- for that era, or any era, really. Harmoniously designed based on the minutest of mathematical proportions. It's not a huge house, just so interestingly planned- the product of a great mind. How did Thomas Jefferson accomplish so much in his life? He, his mind and his achievements are truly amazing to me. I wanted to linger in his home- as if I could absorb even a teeny tiny bit of that genius or inspiration. And the thing is- I don't necessarily think he was/is innately better than any of the rest of us. I'm sure that he wasn't a perfect person. It's that he did more than just scratch the surface of his potential. I get the sense that he was passionate about making every moment of his life count for something good- for intellectual, spiritual, physical, civil and natural progress of himself, mankind... and his own personal plot of land. And at the end of the day, after all he did on a grand scale, he reported himself as a "farmer" on the census, and was happiest at home, in his gardens, with his family.

What is My potential? Will I ever fully realize it? I think about this a lot. I feel like Time (or the lack there of) is the greatest obstacle. My days are often spent just trying to keep up with everyone's needs- a spiritual, physical, civil and natural challenge in and of itself, you could say. That's how I have to see it, because this is the life I have chosen, and the life I surrender myself to over and over again. I'm not talking about the wonderful parts. We all know the wonderful and fun is sprinkled throughout. I'm talking about the Tuff Stuff. It's not quite what anyone envisions when they think of making their mark in the world. But this is the stuff I've been given to work with. If I'm going to be like Thomas Jefferson, I have to figure out how to make every minute count. I have to make the morning ritual count, the family chores count, the resolving of squabbles, fits and tantrums, the soothing of owies, the making of beds, meals, errands, car time, nap time, bed time, fun time- I have to make all of that count right now. Because that is where it's at right now for me. Motherhood is my laboratory for Greatness; my chance to achieve something truly amazing out of the sometimes mundane or frustrating or inconvenient; to choose to check-in, rather than check-out; to squeeze the potential for progress out of every waking minute. Progress of the soul. I know it's possible. I get glimpses of it that spur me on just when I want to crawl in a hole and hide from it all. In fact, I would say that therein lies the supreme challenge of realizing human potential- of realizing My Potential:

To Come Out From Hiding.

[Follow Up:]

Just as I finished writing this, at Midnight, I heard Abby suddenly cry out upstairs. This never happens with Abby. But here's something about Abby: She loves me. She adores me. I don't feel deserving of it, because I know she wishes I could spend every waking and sleeping minute by her side. But I can't. She often asks me if I can sleep in her room. Or even just sit on her bed with her until she falls asleep. I rarely have time for that. No- I rarely make time for that. But deep down, I know that for Abby, there would be no greater feeling of love and peace and security- something every 6 year old little girl needs desperately.

Just now, instead of running upstairs, giving her a quick hug and ushering her back to bed in a hurry as I normally would in the middle of the night, I laid down with her, soothed her fears, and held her until she fell asleep. I was there. And a routine moment turned into something wonderful.

THAT is exactly what I'm talking about.