The "Natural" Mother in Me

I was talking to a good friend the other day and asked about a mutual friend of ours who has three small children.  "Oh, she's really struggling," my friend said, "It's really hard for her.  She feels like such a bad mother."  I immediately empathized with our friend's struggles and feelings, remembering especially how hard it was for me when my oldest were so small.  The long, mind-numbing days meeting endless needs.  The exhaustion, the tears (mine and theirs), the general heaviness of being a mother of small children.  It was not easy.  It IS not easy.

My friend looked at me and said: "But you're a natural Mother.  She isn't.  Motherhood just isn't her thing." (I'm paraphrasing here.)

Wow.  I'm glad I make it look easy.  I guess.  I can say today that I absolutely love my job, but it did not all come naturally.  In fact, I think the only instinct I can claim is the love I have for my children.  That came as soon as they were born.  But the rest?  Hmm...

I always wanted to be a mother, and my friend knows this, but I think she has confused desire with ability.  It wasn't just "there" for me.  Being a Mother-- learning how to mother my children in the fullest sense has been the most soul-stretching, heart-expanding experience of my life.   And I'm still learning.  Giving up everything else to be at home and be fully present and passionate about what I do has been my mission.  It has required every last bit of me, and then some.  At times it has been uncomfortable, inconvenient and overwhelming-, frustrating, depressing and insane.  Plenty of blood, sweat and tears, and oh so many prayers.  But there has been enough joy and happiness along the way to fuel me on.  Enough hope to keep the vision and vision to keep the hope. And most of all, enough love.

I cannot claim ability.  I cannot claim nature.  I can only claim desire-  to make motherhood my passion.

I carried this poem around with me as a missionary and it's words still ring through me as a mother-

The Will To Win

Author: Berton Braley

If you want a thing bad enough
To go out and fight for it,
Work day and night for it,
Give up your time and your peace and your sleep for it

If only desire of it
Makes you quite mad enough
Never to tire of it,
Makes you hold all other things tawdry
and cheap for it

If life seems all empty and useless without it
And all that you scheme and you dream is about it,

If gladly you'll sweat for it,
Fret for it, Plan for it,
Lose all your terror of God or man for it,

If you'll simply go after that thing that you want.
With all your capacity,
Strength and sagacity,
Faith, hope and confidence, stern pertinacity,

If neither cold poverty, famished and gaunt,
Nor sickness nor pain
Of body or brain
Can turn you away from the thing that you want,

If dogged and grim you besiege and beset it,
You'll get it!