George Bailey...and Me - Love Story Pt. 10

As I was bobbing in front of the eyewall, Creighton's lovely sister, Rose, called me one day out of the blue, just to check on me.  I was touched that she cared enough to reach out to me, even when Creighton was gone, and our relationship over as far as others knew.  We talked about him- about the good good soul that he is, and we talked about me and my indecision.  By the end of the phone call, tears were rolling down my cheeks.  I was alive again. 

On the first of December 1999, Creighton's 99 year old grandfather passed away. Creighton had been gone nearly two months by that time.  Somehow I learned that he would be coming home for the funeral.  I debated about whether or not to call him, knowing that he did not want contact unless I was ready to move forward, but I decided that our friendship came above everything else-  his grandfather's death mattered more than our policy of silence. I found myself trembling when he walked through my door, and had to hold back tears.  I spent the day with him and his family, and stood back while all eleven of his siblings and his parents posed for a rare family picture.  Then Creighton rushed off to catch his flight back to California.

Our silence resumed, but only on the outside.  Inside, I was rallying- gathering courage, building conviction.  I had two pictures of Creighton that I looked at often during this month- one of him as a sweet three year old little boy, and a more recent photo that let me see right through to his heart. I would look at those pictures and all fear and doubt would melt away.  I saw the kind of man I wanted to marry in his eyes.

Towards the end of December, I ran into a colleague downtown who asked me about Creighton.  I proceeded to tell her the short story and she, in turn, relayed her own engagement story and the leap of faith she had to take at a very young age.  She finished by reminding me that sitting back and waiting was not making a choice.  I needed to make a final decision and do something about it if I ever wanted to move forward.  I knew this, but something about hearing it from her at last lit my fuse. 

I was ready.

I decided I would fly out to California and surprise Creighton with a visit for Christmas.  It was my best attempt at a leap of faith.  The more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I became with the element of surprise.  Instead, I decided to call him and *ask* if I could come visit him for Christmas.  He was surprised when I called- happy at first, but then hesitant as I proceeded to lay out my plans.

"If you're just coming for fun, then please don't come" he said.  I knew what he meant.  But there was more...

"I met a girl here," he added.  We've been dating for a little while, and I'm spending Christmas with her family."

Silence.

"Oh." I replied, somewhat stunned.  I wanted to be happy for him.  I kept my voice unaffected and wished him a Merry Christmas.  Then we hung up.

Over the next 24 hours, reality hit me like a cannon ball to the heart.  I was going to lose him.  I could hardly breathe at the thought.  A heavy sadness set in.  Like dear George Bailey, I suddenly had a vivid glimpse of life, not without me, but without Creighton in it.  I didn't want a life without him in it!  After all those years in wounded silence, my heart finally began to speak.  It cried out.  I did love him- deeply. I had planted that little seed years before and had been choosing him over and over again- planting, watering, nurturing- every time we came together.  And all the while, that love had grown- far more than I realized.  I loved him enough and then some.  And the thought of losing someone I loved all over again was more than I could bear.

I prayed through my tears that Christmas.  I couldn't ask to change what was meant to be, but I poured out my heart to heaven and determined that if Creighton decided he still wanted me, I would marry him.  He was the one I wanted to love. 

Late that Christmas night, the phone rang...

It was Creighton.