God Winks

Last night, as I was sitting in Stake Conference, the whole setting brought flashbacks of zone conferences on my mission. That immediately made me think of my mission president, and for the rest of the meeting, I thought of him. He passed away nearly two years ago of a brain tumor. At the time, I was very pregnant with the twins and unable to attend either the mission reunion just before his passing, or the funeral. I tried several times to write him a letter, but was never able to express in writing what I really wanted to say, so it didn't happen (that's the "all or nothin'" girl in me.) Since then, I've thought about him many times and I usually end up in tears, wishing he could know how grateful I am for the inspiration and example he was, and still is in my life. I was thinking about all of this again last night, wondering if he knows when people are thinking about him (as I often wonder about the deceased), and I imagined that he could hear me. I began thanking him directly in my heart and mind, as if he was right there. Then, the meeting came to an and and the closing hymn was announced. It was President McKittrick's favorite hymn: "Be Still My Soul."

How could that be coincidence?? I don't believe it was. It put a smile on my face.

There are so many things in life that happen like that. It seems the more I recognize them and credit God for them, the more they happen; as if He enjoys being noticed and does it all the more!

I can think of a dozen different times over the years when I've received a phone call or have run into someone just when I needed it, whether I recognized it at the time or not. I've recently had a long string of people, events and information come my way after praying to be taught about some physical problems that set in with my last pregnancy; a perfectly synchronized string of directions- like those crowded parking lot attendants who point the way at every corner til you find an open slot. It's been fascinating to experience, and I'm still in the middle of it (I'll post more about this later.) There's no way it's coincidental.

Here's a favorite variation on the theme:
I used to imagine having twin girls. It wasn't a "wishing," but more like a "knowing." Except that I always thought I was ridiculous for thinking it. This was years ago, after Luke was born. I imagined twin girls, not twin boys, or a boy and a girl- two girls. I even had names for them: Miriam and Madeline. I always thought my first daughter would be Miriam, but when Abby was born, she was not Miriam, she was Abigail. Then, when the twin thing started showing up in my mind, I figured Miriam would be one of the twins. But when my third was born, and was a girl and was not a twin, I started thinking I was ridiculous again, and decided I'd better use the name Miriam while I could, because what were the chances I would ever have twin girls after this? Plus, she looked just like I'd imagined Miriam. So there she was. Two years later, I was expecting again, and picked up a book about my Grandmother's ancestors. I happened to open to a section about a family who had 3 sets of twins. I wondered if it ran in the family (my grandmother had twins,) and remembered the twin girls I'd imagined. Then, a friend of mine found out she was having twins. I had all kinds of questions for her, because, secretly, I wondered if I was expecting twins, too. The only thing that kept me from knowing was my own self doubt.

How many times do we do that? How many things could I "know" about my life or my future if I didn't think I was being ridiculous? In fact, there are more recurring thoughts I've had in the past few years about my life, but I wouldn't dare mention them here, because you'd probably think I was ridiculous, and so would I.

So, as we all know, I really was expecting twins. When the nurse told me at my ultrasound, my first reactions inside went up to Heavenly Father. At that moment, I honestly had the feeling that he was looking down at me with a smile and a wink.

A few weeks ago, I picked up a book at the Dollar Store titled When God Winks at You. It looked like a quick, fun read, all about how God speaks through coincidence. It got me thinking about all of this. A few days later, I randomly ran across mention of the book The Celestine Prophecy, as a book about coincidence. The funny thing about that book is that I have been toting it around with me for years- I'm talking 15 years- and I have never read it. This wouldn't be strange except that I have fiercely weeded out my books about 5 times over the last 10 years, and for some reason, I always hold on to that one. I haven't known the first thing about it. I went to my bookcase last week, and there it was. So, now, The Celestine Prophecy is sitting on my nightstand with about 5 other books I'm in the process of reading but not finishing. And the fun continues. I read the first chapter, and guess where the story begins: Charlottesville, Virginia, right next door to us.

Is it all coincidence??? I'll let you know as soon as I finish this book....about, um, coincidence. I'm pretty sure God just threw this one in for the fun of it.